Are you separating the people from the problem? 

No, really, are you?

The last time you fought, were you angry at your partner? Were you trying to win the argument? Did you start freestyling all of their past blunders as fast as Eminem?

First, congratulations, you’re human.

Second, you’re being hard on the person when the problem is the enemy.

Too often, we view our partner as the enemy. It’s us vs them when it comes to an argument. The mind loves simplicity. Unfortunately, that’s why we do the exact opposite of what we should do.

We need to be hard on the problem and soft on the people because that’s when we realise that our partner isn’t the enemy. It’s always the problem that’s the enemy.

When you understand this, your partner becomes an ally. You begin tackling the problem together. You both want the same thing – a happy and prosperous relationship. Attack the problem together.

Next time you’re fighting, ask yourself:

“Am I separating the problem from the person?”[1]

“Am I being tough on the problem and soft on the person?”